Bad Haircut is a historian

I now hold the record for the longest consecutive streak a bad haircut since the discovery of sheep shears 1000 BC. Since age 3, I have experienced 378 bad haircuts in a row, and has 379 scheduled for next week, God willing.

I blame nobody but myself. I condemn with wavy hair and cowlicks, the combination is so fragile and unpredictable, I really bring a doctor's prescription to hat.

If I wear a crew cut, this article would not be necessary. This is not a view that works for me. I tried one when I was 23. Fifteen minutes after I walked out of the salon, I was standing in the line of police officers accused of robbing a series of gas stations in Oklahoma.

I have to keep my hair a little longer to avoid the appearance of a criminal career but short enough so that people do not think I worked the clown on the weekends.

I am a barber's worst nightmare because I was not a crew cut. They enjoy giving crew cuts because all they need is a pair of scissors and a small conversation. There was no finesse in crew cuts, there is no risk. Every time I sank into the chair, they automatically grab the scissors and when I tell them I just want to slim down, they started looking at my head like the Manhattan Project. It's not unusual to have three barbers see my head at the same time, like a baseball manager standing around the pitcher's mound to decide whether to try a little small talk or send to such relief. I've been retired barber spontaneously while I sat in their seats. One even tried to convince me that I would be better to cut your own.

My quest for a decent haircut has taken me all over the country. I've tried a barber and hairdresser in the hotel, airport, city holiday - even at a barber college in which the cutting is free for the kids in training. I think a barber college would be an excellent place to get good, well-executed haircut because the kids would be so eager to enter a new profession.

I scheduled an appointment at a local college and the dean to assign me to a young woman named Ingrid who is actually a class valedictorian. He really is an artist. Half way through my haircut, which looks spectacular, he received a letter from the board of regents who told him that his graduate thesis on the benefits of washing your hair after a haircut customer to eliminate excess clippings will not be published. He ran out of the salon crying followed by a classmate in question and I found myself walking home with half the best haircut I ever had in my life. Believe me, I'm tempted to keep it that way.

I have done some things duplicitous to find a decent haircut. Even lie. Every time I sat in a barber or hairdresser new, the first thing out of my mouth was, "I'm getting married this Saturday, and I really need this hairstyle look good." After I made the mistake of using the same line at a wedding I been to the barber before. He looked at me coldly and said, "I thought you said you were getting married last year."

"I," I said. "But when my fiance looked haircut you gave a year ago, he called it off."

With all the technology available, I do not know why I can not get a decent haircut. It looks like the machines they use Lasix to improve the vision will work if they make some adjustments. You may not need to do more than one mountain in the type of helmet. I do not know that I believe the barber to use either of them but if you are a licensed optometrist seeking competitive advantages you can offer corrective eye surgery and haircuts for one, all inclusive price.

In my experience, getting a good haircut is not a good price. I've paid as little as $ 8 and as much as $ 75 for a bad haircut, and the only difference between cheap and expensive salon is that sometimes you can get a glass of organic juice.

The average scalp has 100,000 hairs. About 50,000 of my growing in different directions. Maybe what I need is a comb made of bone from an ancient shepherd.